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| Life in western countries | |||||
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Life in the West Life in Tunisia Typical Problems Hints for Relationships Questions and Answers Checklist Typical Phrases
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Up to now, everything went so well with the relationship in Tunisia - and after her marriage in Tunisia, the western woman is now waiting for her husband to come to her country by family reunification. And if this last obstacle has finally been overcome, then happy life can start and all the previous problems are gone and forgotten! WRONG!
Just now, the real problems start!
And they start, in fact, immediately after the arrival of the husband. It turns out, all of a sudden, that although the woman has married a man, what she got for a forseeable future is a child. First, the newcomer needs clothing, because the average Tunisian from a modest background usually only owns personal belongings and clothing fitting into a bag or suitcase - and this clothings may be the right ones for Tunisia, but for most western countries, especially if he does not arrive in the summer, they are definitely not. Next come the authorities - there are forms to fill out in the immigration office, with the insurance, the labor department, and many more. And even when the husband, ideally, speaks the foreign western language, in most cases it is not quite enough to fill out the forms himself without help. Moreover, he does not have any understanding of the procedures in this country, which is sometimes even difficult for native citizens. In western countries, one can not accelerate a process by shifting banknotes overthe counter to the clerk, and it is not possible to attend an appointment at 9 clock at 11 clock. And even worse, often, severe-looking female clerks will tell the tunisian man what he must do. |
A Tunisian, who has acquired in his native country a "diploma" will find that this diploma, which often is only a result of taking part in some course for some days or weeks is worth nothing in the western country - or has first to be accepted in a lengthy process. And even his "job training" or experience is often not recognized in western countries with strict training regulations. Next, he will learn that, especially for the jobs that require no skilled workers, no employer waited for just him, but he is standing last in long line with native citizens, citizen of other European countries, with Turks, Russians and people from many more nations. And then, when he got a hold of a job, he will be surprised to find out that at the end of the month, instead of the expected 5,000$ or 10,000$ per month, he only receives 500 or 1,000 (and this is not a totally far fetched example, but a real one, quite a few tunisians have not the slightest idea what payment is considered sufficient in western countries). While working, he will notice that alle the start on time and finsih on time - and that the lunch break cannot be extended because there is a special offer on the market or because the line at the hairdresser was very long. Little language skills only may create conflicts with supervisors and colleagues, and he will realize that a lot of what he learned in Tunisia will not match the methods used in western countries - especially that an approach of "lets make it fit easy and simple" does not echo a big applause. But above all, in some countries, he might also experience that he will not be treated as a welcome guest by everyone, but will suffer from xenophobia.. In short - almost everything that he knew and that he has learned, is of low value or even completely meaningless in the western country. And he even himself is meaningless, he has no bonus for "being a man" he cannot communicate well due to low language skills, he does not know the gestures, the expected manners and the unwritten social rules. He never thought or planned that the life in the "Golden West" could be anything like THIS! |
As a result of all these things he might well become irritable and lustless, he will see his social status contested and become depressive because he can not only not achieve its objectives, but he cannot communicate with his friends and family in Tunisia about it for hours, as he is used to. Perhaps he will lay often on the couch, watching television, calling the family in Tunisia and try to build up a new circle of friends - ideally consisting of Tunisians who live in the same area, or at least, with Moroccans, Algerians or Egyptians, because they all have a common language and come from similar social conditions (background, religion, society). This, naturally, will not exactly contribute to the family's happiness and harmony, but it might become even worse: When his wife is working, then there is a high probability that she has male colleagues and is commuting with them to work. His wife may get calls from male good friends and from time to time, she even wants to go out with a female friend to a cafe or bar. This all is, however, absolutely unthinkable in Tunisia. And because the labor and social situation of the man is not exactly running very well, he will try it, at least in the only area where he still has a chance to produce "controlled" conditions, to become active and try to influence/control his wife according to the rules he learned when growing up. So - this could be an example of how the first year of tunisian husband in a western country could look like - not surprisngly, this will put quite a load on the marriage and the woman might often called her mother and the man might feel as a child, it is something that they both do not like, both did not expect and that will make them both dissatisfied. Of course, all these things could have been discussed in advance and before the husband comes to the western country, namely before the wedding takes place. But as the reality shows, it is either not taking place, or, and this is almost the norm, that the tunisian simply will not believe it, because he heard so many different and all positive stories from his friends, saw so many positive things in the western television, and has a completely different impression of the life in the west... |
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